Missing You
by LiLAqUaMaRiE
Summary: He wanted her, he needed her but she deserved better than him. [Prompt Challenge Number: 15]


**Title:** Missing You**  
Author:** LiLAqUaMaRiE  
**Fandom:** CSI: Miami  
**Pairings/Characters:** Jake Berkeley/Calleigh Duquesne, with slight implications of Tim/Calleigh and Eric/Calleigh.  
**Rating:** PG-13/T  
**Genre:** Drama, angst  
**Spoilers: **No spoilers, none that I can think of.  
**Word Count: **1,274  
**Challenge Fic:** #6  
**Challenge Word:** #15 – Flashbacks  
**Summary:** He wanted her, he needed her but she deserved better than him.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own "CSI: Miami" or anything related to it. So don't sue me please!!!! I'm already poor as it is. Don't need a lawsuit to put me out on the street.  
**Note:** This is a fic for the MiamiFicTalk Community prompt challenge.  
**Note #2: **Flashbacks are in italics.

* * *

**MISSING YOU**

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
_ - 'Better Than Me' by Hinder

Jake Berkeley was a man that could be many things, but what he was at the moment – was a man with a broken heart.

He sat at the edge of his bed with his head in his hands; his chest was heavy, his eyes stung with unshed tears – his heart hurt. He told himself many times that he would not cry – he did not want to cry. He was a man that could take a blow, deal and bounce back as if nothing was ever wrong to begin with. Today, today however, he wasn't that man.

He had come to believe he had managed to put this certain pain behind him - he thought he was finally over it. Though, the moment he saw her once again, the moment her eyes fell upon his, and the moment they were both in the same room again – it all came rushing back.

"_Jake, wait. I-I, uh…I need to talk to you. There's something I've been meaning to tell you…"_

He wanted to forget, he had wanted to cry. He moved a hand away from his face, letting it fall on top of one of his legs as his eyes raked the floor before him. He stared at it without really seeing it. His mind kept repeating the last real conversation he had with her years ago, before all went to hell.

"_About us; well me. The thing is that my feelings…my feelings towards you have changed. I don't like you anymore. I mean…well…I love you."_

Jake swallowed hard. So many times, he had wished he could turn back the time so he could start over. Start fresh. However, life seemed to think differently and decided he needed to suffer for all eternity with this memory.

"_And …and after the Academy, well, what do you think of getting married?"_

He shook his head before he turned around to crawl further into his bed. As he laid himself down, he stared at the empty side beside him. He stared at it blankly; he tried to tell himself that he wouldn't miss her, but he knew that it was just a lie that he had tried to tell himself for years – a lie that has never been successful.

"_Babe…'Leigh. I don't know how to respond to that. I mean, I –"_

He wanted to block out the memory as he closed his eyes to the emptiness that surrounded him. He had wanted forget for years but it was pointless. That certain memory seemed to be engraved deep within his mind and his soul. It was never going to go away.

"_It's okay. Darlin', its okay; you don't have to give me an answer now…it can wait until we're finished with the academy - I can wait."_

Silently, Jake lifted a hand to touch the empty side next to him. He roamed his hand upon the bed sheets; he traced small circles on the sheets before resting his hand on the pillow beside him. Even now, Jake could still remember how she would feel when she would lay down next to him, how perfectly she would fit within his arms as he would hold her, how her hair laid around the pillow like the halo of an angel.

"_I know this may seem weird or sudden or, hell both, but I had to ask you Jake. Don't feel as if I'm trying to rush you into anything. That's not what I meant. I mean, you have plenty of time to think this through, Jake."_

To him, she was a thing of beauty, a treasure. A treasure that deserved so much more than what he had given her. He had hoped to keep her at his side for all time, but he made the mistake of putting things before her – before his heart.

"_Calleigh…"_

His hand roamed the pillow, the pillow where her hair would be laying upon if she was next to him. He let his fingertips touch the fabric softly; he craved something – someone – that would never come.

"_Shh. Just give me your answer after the Academy, okay?"_

He gripped the pillow as he pulled it towards him. He hugged it; he held it against himself, his body clung to it as if his life depended on that mere action.

"_Babe, you don't have to wait that long. I can tell you my answer now…"_

He was going to say it; he had wanted to say it. His answer never changed no matter what had happened. But to his stupidity, that was the one true time he was willing to allow his heart to have control; the one time in his past where he was going to put her before everything and anything.

"_No. No, not now, think about it carefully. Have some time with it to get your head around the idea. Then we'll talk."_

But they never did.

Things had changed between them; at first it started out innocently with him doing all that he could to be top in the Academy. He had wanted to show her and the world that Jake Berkeley deserved a woman like Calleigh Duquesne. He wanted to be the best so he could have a decent future to offer her. But somewhere down the line, the drive to be the best, the hunger for number one turned into his only world. Then the Academy was over and he continued to delve further into his goal of being ace in everything he did – in short his work started to become his foremost priority and Calleigh slowly started to fade into the back, till she was no more. He never meant too, it just happened and he hated himself because he allowed it. Due to his actions, she couldn't stand to be ignored any longer, to be left in the shadows as if she was yesterday's trash – she left him.

And that wasn't the worse of it all; after him, there had been two different men in her life – Tim Speedle and Eric Delko. One that was dead but she still cherished in her heart and the other was still at her side and was the current holder of her heart. Something that he doubted he would ever be again and the thing that hurt the most out of all of this, is that he knew they were both better than he ever was to her.

"_But…"_

"_Darlin', I said later. Not a moment before."_

Why couldn't he force her to listen? Why couldn't he have married her then? Why did he push her away? Why did he have to lose her?

Jake had wanted to treasure her heart, not break it.

He laid his head against the pillow he was holding onto; tears slowly trekked down his face, soaking into the soft fabric in his arms. He was alone, truly alone except for the memories that haunted him.

"_But Jake, I want you to know something before I go. No matter what happens, I'll always love you. You're my one and only."_

He threw the pillow across the room in a rush of anger that swept over him. He lost her; he lost her before he truly had her. He had broken her heart and broke his own in the process.

Jake brought his knees up against his chest and buried his head in his hands once more. He swallowed hard, trying to calm himself before he whispered into the empty room that contained him. "I love you too 'Leigh…" He closed his eyes as he paused briefly as a tear slipped down his face, "My answer was, is and would always be – yes."

**FIN.**


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